Witness Me Bargaining

Witness Me Bargaining

...with [insert noun here].

I used the phrase at last
two times in the same stanza
of one of my recent poems.
And now whenever I close my eyes
I become a meditating monk,
tranquil in my heavy robes even though
something is gnawing at my toe.

Am I okay?
I must ask this question
countless times each day,
and more often than not
must accept a dubious reply.
Maybe it's always fear
which first visits the mind.

Now that I can see,
but what is it I'm seeing?
Witness me bargaining
with my human suffering,
wanting to know absolutely
before slowly coming to peace
with [insert noun here].

---

There is no witness so terrible
and no accuser so powerful
as conscience which dwells within us.
~ Sophocles